The Thawing
by Hubalaboo
Summary: What follows after the incident of the Frost People - falling memories in the rain rising. Sometimes the worst times can bring out the best. Ichiruki.
1. Falling

_A/N: This is an epilogue-like story, set after "The Frost People", that will contain three chapters. Though it is not required that you read "The Frost People" before reading this, there are some references to the events that took place there, and you may be able to better understand this story and the feelings of the characters._

_Enjoy! Plenty of Ichiruki follows!~_

**Chapter 1: Falling**

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* * *

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"So."

"So."

They were standing side by side in front of Ichigo's house, so familiar and a little foreboding. Ichigo sighed and scratched his head. _It's only been a year!_ he thought, feeling foolish._Nothing to suddenly be nervous about._

Rukia was watching him, a slight smile on her face. Ichigo noticed and scowled.

"...What?"

"Mm?" She looked nonchalant.

"..._What?_"

"You looked a little worried, is all," she told him, adjusting her grip on her heavy bag of luggage.

"Yeah, well..."

He felt better now, somehow. Just his family - his two sisters, now in their twenties, and his crazy old dad that never seemed to kick the bucket. He heaved up his suitcase, too. His gigai made it easy.

"All right. Let's go."

They would be staying for two nights, and then returning to Soul Society. Only a month after the harrowing incident with the creepy Frost People (not to mention Rukia nearly dying,_man_ that was traumatizing), he hoped dearly that nothing massive would occur all of a sudden, here in Karakura.

"There will be hollows to take care of, you understand," said Rukia suddenly, as if she could read his thoughts. Maybe she could. _Psychic midget._

"Well, duh."

They made it to the front door without any further words. Ichigo rang the doorbell hesitantly.

"They do know we're coming, right?" he whispered to Rukia.

"Urahara should have given them a message in advance," she whispered back.

_That irresponsible insane shopkeeper_, he thought dryly. _You better not have done anything weird-_

The door burst open. Ichigo's father, looking just the same as fifteen years ago, leapt out at him with a ravenous "MY DEAR SON HAS RETURNED!" and a viciously aimed punch towards the head. He was flung away like a fleck of dirt and hit the ground with a smack.

Ichigo snorted and dusted his hands off. Karin and Yuzu were peering worriedly at the twitching figure of their father.

They were no longer children - not at all. But as they looked at Ichigo, and their faces split into grins, he felt like they were just the same.

"Ichi-nii!" they chorused.

"Hey," he said. "How's it going?"

"Good," chirped Yuzu. Karin just smirked.

Then they all noticed Rukia, watching amusedly from the side.

"RUKIA-CHAN!" boomed Isshin, who had somehow managed to recover and pop up beside her.

"Rukia-chan, Rukia-chan, we missed you!"

And Rukia was smiling, nodding, giving the sisters hugs, feeling warm swells of belonging in her heart. Ichigo was smiling, too.

_See, I told you they adore you,_ he mouthed, and she laughed. He picked up the luggage and moved it inside stealthily, Rukia's and all. He wanted her to be able to enjoy the feeling of family for as long as possible.

* * *

It was still only four o'clock, and the sun was still high in the sky, for it was summer here as well. The two visitors found it a fitting time to unpack now. They found Ichigo's room unchanged since they had been here a year ago, on just another of frequent visits. It was as if his family was letting him know he could come anytime and find a safe place to stay. It reassured him immensely that he still had a place here - and that Rukia did too.

It was curious, because his family never seemed to question why Rukia did not sleep in his sisters' room. It was a silent tradition for whatever bed that was set up there to always be untouched; that Rukia would always appear sneakily from Ichigo's room in the morning. And yet no one even suspected something had occurred during the night, which was exactly the truth.

Everyone somehow trusted the two, somehow understood how they liked to stay together.

Secretly, the two sisters supported Ichigo and Rukia to be together. It seemed only natural, just like Rukia sleeping in his closet. But it all went unsaid - mostly. They scattered hints, questions, little tricks to try and derive how close they were. (Isshin was very open about it all and did not hesitate to barge in on the subject. _Insensitive old goat, _said Karin.)

Karin, keen since childhood, was positive they liked each other and just didn't know it. Yuzu wasn't sure/didn't trust her own judgement. Isshin just kept dreaming - loudly.

But they all agreed that with every visit, Ichigo and Rukia somehow seemed closer.

Ichigo slid open the closet door, and Rukia immediately hopped inside. She inspected the insides quickly and then turned to smile at him. "Nothing's changed."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "You sure you want to sleep in that cramped space again?"

"Yes," she replied powerfully. He could guess why, but didn't prod, for he knew she would come up with some feasible excuse (and it would damage her pride, anyway).

"Oi, Ichigo, pass me my bag."

"Get it yourself! It's right there!"

"But you are the closest to it!"

"...All right, fine. But say please."

"...Please," she grumbled.

"Good girl," he said sweetly, passing the bag to her, and received a slight punch in the arm, followed by a fond "what are you playing at, you tawake". He was grinning. His grins and cocky smiles were frequently replacing his scowls, now.

She smiled to herself, and began to pull things out of her bag - clothes, a chappy alarm clock, a flashlight, a small toiletries pouch, a few of her favorite manga that she had bought before in the real world...

Ichigo did so too, with quite a bit of care and order about his movements.

A comfortable silence stretched between them, disturbed only by the shuffling sounds of moving hands and objects.

* * *

They finished packing with time still to spare until dinner; Isshin had insisted on dragging the century-old barbecue out of the garage and using it to cook steak, because this was a super special occasion ("MY SON AND HIS BEAUTIFUL WI- (here came Ichigo's fist) -HAVE RETURNED, SO WE MUST HAVE A LARGE FEAST FOR CELEBRATION!"). He ended up blowing up the meat, the barbecue, and almost himself. There were scorch marks on the house wall.

Yuzu tutted and quietly made the feast instead, and with the delay, all the other family members found other things to busy themselves with. Karin reluctantly went to help patch up her father's burns. Ichigo wandered around the house, seeing if anything had changed. Rukia stayed in his room, and after re-reading some parts of her manga, climbed out of his window onto the roof to watch the darkening sky and the stars.

Ichigo was picking up a family photo and inspecting it when his father appeared behind him, heavily bandaged, and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

Ichigo jumped and spun around. "Woah!" Then he snorted and crossed his arms. "Oh, it's you."

"Yes, it is me," said Isshin gravely. "Did you expect someone else?"

"...No." He had expected Rukia, strangely.

"I see." Suddenly Isshin leaned close (too close) and said in a painfully loud whisper, "How's it going with Rukia-chan?"

He blinked. "What d'you mean?"

"I mean, are you," he waved his hands about vaguely, "dating?"

Ichigo didn't blink. He just stared. Finally he managed to get his throat working and hissed an angry "n-no!"

Isshin nodded understandingly. "Hm. Having some difficulty with admitting-"

"I do _not_ need your help with anything," growled Ichigo.

"So there is nothing between you and her?"

There was a pause. A long pause, where Ichigo's face turned a little red. "None of your business!" he cried at last, and swiftly escaped his father's knowing grin.

"Rukia-chan's on the roof," Isshin called after his son.

_How does he know these things?_ thought Ichigo. _Crazy psychic nosy old goat._

Rukia did turn out to be on the roof when Ichigo stuck his head out the window. She was sitting, knees up, looking out and above at the navy-cloaked sky. She looked cold in her thin, light blue cotton dress. He clambered out to join her. "Yo."

"Mm," she answered.

Ichigo fumbled for things to say. "Uh, dinner will be ready in about ten minutes."

"Okay." She seemed to be thinking about something. Suddenly she spoke up. "Your family is very nice, as always."

"Huh... 'Very nice'?... Insane, more like." He paused. "But thanks."

She was smiling at him. "They make me feel very welcome. Every time."

"That's good." He couldn't quite hide the sadder undertone in his voice. He knew she had never really experienced a loving family like him, even if his was pretty insane...

"You have _the guilty look_ on your face again," observed Rukia.

"Ohwha, u-uh..."

"I did not have a family like yours. I did not get a chance to feel loved like this." She turned her head and gazed into his face. "Right?"

"You can read me way too easily," he grumbled.

And her eyes were sparkling a little, like stars, like fireflies above ponds in the gardens of Seireitei...

And she broke the mood by poking his nose. "You're dazing off, Ichigo," she said wryly.

"Ow, Rukia, don't do that!"

"You might've slid off the roof or something if I hadn't poked you!"

"I wasn't _that_ dazed!"

"Oh, you admit it, then!"

Ichigo groaned and gave up. "Fine, I was dazing. Got a problem with it? Geez, and right after all the trouble of saving you..."

"..."

He blinked. She wasn't looking at him anymore. She was watching, face turned away, at the horizon, still glowing with a faint shade of aquamarine.

She was shivering.

"Oi... Oi, what's wrong?"

"N-no, nothing... Just... remembering... some things..." Her toes curled up against the roof tiles.

"The Frost People?" he asked gently.

"Among other things."

"It's getting cold," he muttered, getting up. "Let's go inside."

"Okay." She stood up, too, but stiffened. A wind flickered across her black locks and pale blue dress.

"A storm is coming," she murmured. "Can you smell it? A large rain-storm."

He could, now that she mentioned it: the moist, tense air, tickling his face with scents of dank forests and steam from kettles. _Damn... It's gonna rain... _He tried to push the thoughts away.

The stars were gone now, lathered by thick clouds. Rukia seemed petrified, unmoving in the wind, dress flowing out to the side and hair dancing around her neck. Ichigo took a small wrist and tugged. "C'mon, let's go inside. Dinner."

Dutifully, she followed. Once inside, she brightened up significantly, and became the normal Rukia again.

_Sheesh, Rukia. You really worry me sometimes._

_

* * *

_

Yuzu's cooking skills had continued to improve. Everyone ate in satisfied silence, savouring the delicious feast, until Isshin spoke up again with a notable question.

"Ichigo, my boy, how old are you now? I forgot to ask you last time you visited."

"Uhhh..." _Good question._ "I think, in human years, I would be about thirty?"

There was a silence.

And then:

"THIRTY YEARS OLD AND NO CHILDREN? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I HAVE WAITED-"

With an apologetic glance at Rukia, Ichigo clamped a hand firmly on his father's mouth. "But," he continued, "since I am a full shinigami now, I'm guessing I would be considered about... 16. And that's PRETTY YOUNG, DAD."

Isshin exhaled a long breath and returned to his seat.

Yuzu turned to Rukia. "How old are you, then, Rukia-chan?" Of course Yuzu knew everything about the shinigami by now. Even if she had no ability to see spirits, she had accepted the notion of Shinigami and Soul Society very easily, having been around Karin and Ichigo for her whole life.

"One hundred and sixty-five," said Rukia through a mouthful of rice.

Another silence.

"Wow," said Yuzu, and Rukia smiled. "But you can consider me the same age as Ichigo."

"It's really funny to have you two looking younger than us now. Oh!" Yuzu suddenly straightened up. "I-I have an announcement to make!" she stammered nervously.

"Oh boy," said Karin from beside her. "You gonna say it now?"

"Yehhhs..."

"Announcement, my dear Yuzu?" asked Isshin curiously.

She nodded, cheeks pink, and took a deep breath. "I... I'm getting married!"

Everyone except Karin (who was grinning impishly) stared at her with open mouths. "You're..."

"YUZU! YOU HAVE GROWN MARVELOUSLY-"

"Yuzu, congrats! Like, majorly!"

"Oh, this is amazing news!"

"WHO IS IT, MY DAU-

"Is he nice? Is he wealthy?"

"You gonna cook for him every day?"

"WE WILL MISS YOUR LOVELY-"

"Just SHUT UP, dad, you're TOO LOUD!"

"MY SON, YOU MUST LISTEN TO YOURSELF! I HAVE NEVER-"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S CONSTANTLY BOOMING- OW! WHY YOU-"

"Okay, okay! Let's call this a truce!" declared Karin, placing herself between the battling men. "Come on, don't fight, we gotta celebrate for Yuzu!"

"...Sorry, Yuzu. If only this old geezer would shut up for a second-"

"'Old geezer'! You have such a rude way with words towards your precious father-"

Rukia was watching this with a mildly amused expression and a mouthful of sauteed fish. This family never got boring. She smiled to herself, relaxing into the warmth of the household and the comfort of a family -

_BOOM_

Thunder rattled the window. A flash of lightning sparked somewhere outside, and the lights trembled and flickered. Everyone froze, startled, and Rukia felt a shiver.

"The rainstorm," she said softly.

As if those words were a trigger, everyone filed back to their seats at the table. Silence thickly filled the room. Ichigo's family shot him worried glances, and internally he fumed. _Don't pity me. Of all people, don't pity me!_

Rukia was hastily apologizing for breaking the mood, and his family was assuring her it was alright. He wanted to believe them. _Go away, rainstorm! Yuzu's getting married, you shouldn't be here, you shouldn't_

"Ichigo?"

"Huh?" He jolted back to reality and found Rukia in front of him, blinking.

"Your..." she reached to grab his plate of food and hand it to him, "...food."

"Uhh...?"

"It will get cold," she added.

"Oh. Right. Thanks." Reluctantly, he took it from her. The food suddenly looked unappetizing, as delicious as he knew it was. He wolfed it down without much thought.

Slowly, cheer returned to the table, thunder and lightning occasionally punctuating the family's conversations. Ichigo could not concentrate on their trivial talk. He ate, and then sat a while, trying to look normal. Rukia nudged him once. He paid her no heed.

Rukia's cellphone went off, abruptly shattering through him. A hollow. He stood up, a little too fast, and said, "I'll take care of it."

"Alone?" asked Rukia quietly.

He judged her a moment. She wasn't asking out of worry that he would not be able to handle the hollow himself; she was asking whether he needed to talk.

"Fine, you can come," he said at last, and with an apology, they excused themselves from dinner, left their gigais sprawled on the floor, and raced out the door.

The rain was heavy, and it was difficult to see their surroundings. They shunpoed through the sheets of rain as best as they could, and quickly arrived at the scene of the hollow. It was an ugly one, but not too large nor strong, and Ichigo took care of it in one bitter stroke.

"You're angry," observed Rukia, sword sheathed and unblemished.

"No, I'm not!" he retorted.

"Then why are you acting like it?"

"...I'm not! I'm just... uhhh... _troubled._"

She raised her eyebrows.

He struggled with words. "...It's..."

"...none of my business?"

"No! I mean... Like... Ugh." He lowered his head and held it. "I don't know anymore..."

He felt the sudden weight of a small hand on his shoulder. "It is the rain, then."

He tilted his head up to look at her, their eyes level with each other. "Yeah," he said finally. "I guess it is."

Her eyes were dark and warm, only the slightest shine of violet appearing at the rims of her irises. A raindrop slipped down her cheek - almost like a tear. They waited for nothing with baited breath, time stilled, the rain falling silently around them...

It had mostly stopped inside him. It had not stopped around him. It had not stopped its tug at memories, its pull at forgotten griefs, its drenching of guilt.

"You're not... going to ask... what happened then?..." inquired Ichigo timidly.

"I have told you before," replied the small shinigami girl steadily. "When you are ready, you can tell me. Before that, I will not ask anything, for I will not allow myself to intrude and soil that part of your heart."

_Oh, Rukia... Why do you have to be so damn amazing like this..._

The rain was soaking them both. Slowly, they trudged through it, back to the Kurosaki home, back to whatever safety and inner peace they could find there...

But Ichigo and Rukia knew the raindrops would always find ways to creep through the crevices and haunt them, like relentless ghosts.

* * *

"I'm going to bed," announced Ichigo darkly, and stumped up the stairs, his family's worried glances following him.

Rukia, in the middle of a card game with the sisters, watched him go as well.

"Rukia-chan, it's your turn," said Yuzu. "Don't worry about Ichi-nii, he's like this a lot."

She smiled hastily and nodded, placing some cards down on the floor. "What time is it, right now?"

"Oh... It's almost nine-thirty," answered Karin, checking her watch. "Wow, it's pretty late."

"Time seems to fly when you're here, Rukia-chan," laughed Yuzu, and quietly won the card game.

"What - woah! Yuzu, darn you!" cried Karin, and flung a pillow onto her sister.

Rukia quietly excused herself. "Well, I think I'll be going to bed as well, now. The game was fun, thank you," she added. And it really was. She would have wanted to play another round - but Ichigo...

"Aww, okay."

"G'night, Rukia-chan."

* * *

_Falling_


	2. Memories in the Rain

_A/N: Oh, at last... I love this chapter..._

**Chapter 2: Memories in the Rain**

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* * *

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Outside, the storm roared, and rain battered windowpanes with fervent rage.

Rain.

Rain.

_In the rain, my mother died._

Ichigo shivered beneath the covers. He was no longer the strong, stubborn young man, the fighter and the hero, the one who would never give up. He was again the shy little boy, crying by himself, lonely and frightened and so, so sad for his mother.

_In the rain, my mother died - because of me._

He groaned and he trembled. He could not stop the tremors and the quiet sobs. The rain beat down, blaming him and bashing him, and making him delirious with guilt. He had thought he had gone past this stage, that he had gotten over this memory, but now it was here once more.

He tried to block out the sound of the rain to no avail. He tried to block out the images, oh, the images, and the memories - _no, stop! Stop it! No! Mother - mother! Wake up!_

A low whimper escaped into his pillow as he beat his bed and curled up into a tight ball.

His closet door slid open, and a raven-haired girl appeared. Her face was clearly worried and confused.

"Ichigo?"

He froze.

"Ichigo? Are you okay?" Now Rukia was walking towards the lump under the blankets. She hesitantly peeled back a corner; a tight fist came into view, clutching the sheets. She reached to touch it, and it shrank away.

"Ichigo..." she murmured. "Is it the rain?"

A muffled "yes" floated from the ruffles of cloth.

"Ichigo, come out. Come over here, to the closet, away from the window."

Nothing.

"It will help, I promise. Please."

A weak grunt, a rustle, a movement.

"Ichigo..."

He appeared then, finally, orange hair scruffy and face a mask of emptiness. He loped slowly over to Rukia, now sitting in the closet, and squeezed himself into a corner, bringing his knees up and hiding his face. Usually he would have hated the idea of showing his weaknesses so clearly, but now, he could not think of it. His mind was too busy fighting the onslaught of memories. Not just about his mother, too - about his hollow, about the Frost People. And about Rukia, about the rest of his friends. How much bad he had done to them all, in one way or another. It was always his fault. Why did he have to cause so much hurt all the time?

Rukia could clearly sense his inner turmoil and pain. Her heart reached out to him. _He's blaming himself again,_ she thought sadly. _He's remembering whatever happened, that night, that night so long ago when it rained... He still hasn't told me about that night._

_What happened then, Ichigo?..._

She watched him tremble, and hesitantly laid a hand on his arm.

Ichigo flinched, but otherwise stayed motionless.

"Ichigo," she began softly, "are you ready to tell me?"

He shook his head at first; then a hand came out to hold hers, tightly. She gazed with a look of wonderment as both of his hands held hers and their fingers intertwined. He breathed heavily, as if to suppress great pain, and brought their woven hands up to his cheek.

He left it there. Rukia could feel the softness of his cheek. Then he closed his eyes, and let out a long sigh.

"I'm sorry, Rukia," he croaked, "I'm being a wimp. I hope you don't mind."

"I don't," she replied. The calm gaze of her beautiful violet eyes did not falter.

Ichigo was silent for a long while, choosing his words and trying to calm himself enough for this massive task.

_Rukia should know._

"A long time ago," he began, "when I was a little boy, nine years old, my mother was killed."

He tightened his grip on her hand.

"She was killed by a hollow... because of me."

Rukia watched him thoughtfully.

"I took Mom away from my whole family. We revolved around her. She was the centre of our universe..."

He paused, uncertain of how to continue. Then he peered at the room's window, with the rain slathering it, and knew.

"It was raining... Mom and I were walking home, in the rain... I was walking on the roadside, and a truck drove by and splashed me. Mom offered to switch with me, but I said_ no, I want to protect you._"

He sighed, deep and long and painfully. "My mother was everything. I was a spoiled kid...

"We kept on walking until we got to the riverside. Then I saw a girl, standing by the river. It looked like she would jump in. Back then, I couldn't tell who was dead and who was living. They all looked the same."

Rukia had an idea of where this was going.

"I started to run towards the girl. I wanted to stop her from jumping. I wanted to protect her, because I was a dumb little kid and thought I could save everyone."

He began to shake.

"It... It happened s-so fast... When I woke up, Mom was on top of me... dead..."

His voice cracked and faltered, like a dying record, and he shook like an autumn leaf. "Because of me, because she protected me, she d-died... I... I k-killed her... I t-took her away f-from everyone..."

Rukia reached out with her other hand and laid it on his shoulder. "Ichigo..."

Hot tears welled up in his eyes. He refused to shed them and rubbed them away furiously, dropping Rukia's hand. Short harsh gasping sobs escaped from his tight mouth.

She simply kneeled and waited for him to calm down, there beside him in the closet.

Ichigo... For so long, you had to carry this burden...

When at last Ichigo had relatively regained composure, he raised his head hesitantly to look at Rukia.

"That's all," he whispered. "I keep on losing people. Or making them lose other people... Even when you... when you nearly died from the Frost People... I... You fought for me, and you almost died..."

Her brilliant eyes, full of compassion and understanding, met his with a steady gaze.

"Ichigo," she whispered back. "I can't stop you from feeling guilt and from blaming yourself... That is something I cannot stop you from doing, and what you will eventually overcome yourself, in time.

"But... at least... your mother died protecting something worth it. She died nobly... Thank her, Ichigo. Respect her death. Try to smile, and say _thank you_..."

She smiled, then, gently. Her best smile. It was a ray of light in the dark closet.

"That's what your mother would have wanted. For you to keep smiling, and to keep protecting. And if had I died then, I would have wished the very same."

He wanted to believe her words. And yet... he was still crying inside...

His eyelids lowered. "I... I wasn't worth dying for... I'm not worth -"

"Ichigo!" Her voice tightened. "You weren't worth it? You were, you still are, damn it! Don't you ever dare say that again - so many people depend on you, love you, care for you! And you go and say you're not worth it all? Ichigo!" She shook his arm furiously, face centimeters from his.

"_I would die for you, Ichigo!_"

He stared.

"Rukia..."

She was breathing heavily, her grip still strong. Now he looked, looked deep into those glorious eyes, and saw that she, too, shared his pain. He saw how much she did understand, and saw how much she was trying to convince herself as well as him.

She had a story to tell as well.

He felt quite stupid for not believing her words. _She's so darn wise all the time._

"Rukia," he murmured, "th-thanks. Sorry... I'm... I'm a really stupid guy sometimes... Thanks..." He rested a hand on hers, still gripping his arm, and felt it relax and draw back. "You don't have to die for me, you know. I'd rather you didn't die at all."

She sighed and smiled wearily. "I'd like to say that to you, as well."

There was a long pause, filled only by the sounds of the rain. Rukia raised her gaze to the window and thoughtfully said, "It was raining when something happened to me, too."

Here it comes, thought Ichigo painfully. _Oh, Rukia... I already know part of what happened..._

"I- I heard some of it... I think..." he said hesitantly.

She glanced at him, face pained. "So you know?"

"Well," he muttered, "just a little bit. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I will," she said confidently. "You told me. Now I must tell you. To make it equal."

He nodded. "All right." _If it gets bad, I'm here._

She slowly picked at a loose strand of hair by her face, and took a few breaths before beginning. "So... Back then, I had a mentor named Shiba Kaien. Kaien-dono was the fukutaichou of thirteenth division, and he was... he let me fit in. He made me feel like I belonged. He was the first person who actually treated me like a normal person, not a part of royalty... He made everything feel right."

She stopped to flick the hair away.

"He had a wife, who was very smart and gentle. An amazing woman, in third seat... She was my idol. I always wished to someday be like her. One day, her entire squad was killed by a hollow." She sighed sadly. "Kaien-dono was so angry and sad... He went to get revenge almost immediately, without waiting for a proper squad to be set up, and we went with him, Ukitake-taichou and I.

"When we found the ugly creature, Kaien-dono asked for permission to fight it alone. It was granted. I..." Rukia paused to swallow and touched her forehead. "I could have stopped him. But I did not. He went, and he fought... And the horrible hollow had a power to shatter the sword of the first shinigami to touch it. The bastard... It took Kaien-dono, and used his body... to harbor itself..."

She shivered. "Ukitake-taichou told me to run away. I did, at first... I was so afraid. But then I went back, because I couldn't bear to just run away by myself, like a coward... I went back, and... and I... I killed... I killed him... by my own..."

Her voice stopped. She couldn't say anything. It all came back, strong and frightening. She had thought she had gone past this stage, that she had gotten over this memory, but now it was here once more. She was there again, in the rain, with the lifeless body of Kaien-dono over her and his blood on her skin... She was shuddering, crying, breathing in a death scent that was all too real...

Strong hands held her shaking shoulders. A distressed whisper came by her ear. "Don't cry..." He was afraid of the way she cried, silently, without sobs, just the tears running down and down her cheeks, as if her wide eyes were faucets.

The memory driven away by Ichigo's voice and touch, Rukia breathed deep and sank into him, closing her eyes and stoppering the tears. When she was ready, she sat up straight and said, "The hollow was driven out of him... He was able to say his last words, as himself, at least." Her black hair looked lifeless as she shook her head. "But... The only one I saved was myself. I was foolish..." She tried hard to keep her voice from faltering. "My hands are bloodied forever... In Soul Society, so long ago, when you found me on the hill... That was right after apologizing to Kaien-dono's sister. They told me to stop saying sorry, but I still want to go up to them and say sorry a thousand times more. I took away a precious individual..." She trailed off, finished. Limply, she hung her head, and hugged her knees.

Ichigo's hands were still on her shoulders. He gently turned her to face him, knees against knees. He gave a sigh. "Rukia..."

She said nothing.

"Rukia, I think... I think he would've wanted you to kill him."

She shifted.

"He was able to die as himself, thanks to you. He was able to say his last words." He wanted to see her eyes, but they were still hidden. "I think he was glad you killed him, so he could at least go in an honorable way as a shinigami, not as a hollow."

He stroked her hair lightly. "He forgives you, Rukia. His friends and family forgive you, too. You did save him, in a way." He was scowling with pain for her, trying to show how much he disliked it when she was sad. She half looked up, eyes wet with tears.

"He... forgives me...?" she whispered.

Ichigo nodded, took her face and lifted it up. He looked right into her eyes, those beautiful eyes, and looked deep into their swirling fathoms. There was relief in there, as well as gratitude and a weakness he had never seen before... And most of all, there was a great trust.

She, in turn, gazed into his autumn-brown ones. They were so honest and wholehearted, she found herself surprised. The clear, almost childish trust and anxiety in those eyes set off a burst of wonder in her. She now saw how beautiful his eyes were. How worried they were.

She leaned forward, wanting to keep gazing deeper and deeper. They looked and looked, and that was all it took. The thread between them finally connected, like a bright string of lights, and they understood.

"Oh," she said quietly. He tried to say something, too, but his throat wouldn't work, and anyway his hands were on her cheeks and her hands were on his shoulders and their faces were so close his heart was beating so fast it almost hurt.

"I think," he said at last, breathless, "we were always in love, and just didn't know it, for the longest time."

She nodded, very serious. "We only just realized..."

Between them, there now stretched something so strong, so much deeper than love, it was not even comparable to love. It was more. It surpassed the common idea of love by a universe. Those three words could be left unsaid, they agreed. Those three words were meaningless now, compared to what they already understood; just three words simply could not summarize what they knew was between them now. It was nameless. It was far above a name.

This realization was so new to them both, it nearly blew their minds. The barrage of new emotions that flew through them was more than enough to make them feel light-headed. Trembling with excitement, they held on to each other, content for a while to simply breathe, stay close, and look into each other's eyes. The rain was long forgotten.

Perhaps hours went by. They were finally relaxing, now, and moved on to think about other things. Things they had never even thought about before, that came along with so-called "love". They were so unaccustomed to it all that they decided, between them, to take it very slowly.

"I feel like a child, again, only just learning the ways of the world," observed Rukia.

"Me too," replied Ichigo, solemnly. They were still shy with each other, not being very used to mutual physical contact. They were already going quite far with their hands on each other's arms and their faces so close. Their awareness was blown up so much that every movement sparked something thrilling inside them. And anyway, they knew they did not require physical or verbal confirmations to know they loved each other, and to enjoy their times together; being side by side was sufficient for them. Their trust ran deep enough.

Ichigo mustered up the courage to lean forward and touch his forehead and nose against hers. He thought a kiss might be appropriate, but he didn't want to startle her, and he hadn't the slightest idea how to kiss in the first place.

To his surprise, Rukia smiled and pressed her nose and forehead back. "I like this," she murmured. "Can we do it more often?"

He blushed at the openness of her words. "Um, okay."

Awkwardly they stayed like that, until his neck began to hurt and he had to lean back and rub it with a groan. She looked on with a remorseful "sorry", and rubbed her own neck too.

"No worries," he muttered, and they moved into a position where their necks would not take a beating.

Then he pondered a little. "Is it... Is it all right... if we tried a kiss?" he suggested tentatively. _S-snap, what am I saying?_

She blinked, her eyes nearly going out of focus, for they were so close. "A kiss?..."

_Oh geez, don't tell me she doesn't know what a kiss is._ "You know... um... it's..."

"I _know_ what it is," she said dryly. She paused, and drew back to look at him properly. "We could try, if you like..."

"I don't know how," he admitted sheepishly.

"Oh," she said thoughtfully. "I don't either."

They looked at each other.

"I have an idea of how to do it," he muttered. "That's all."

"All right."

"I might mess up... Sorry."

She laughed quietly. "Baka. I won't mind."

They adjusted themselves slightly, and watched each other's faces very carefully and seriously. Ichigo's hands were on her shoulders now. She felt her heart beating fast - or was it his, mingling with hers? She couldn't quite tell.

"Here I go," Ichigo said nervously, and leaned in, eyes half open. It wasn't really a true kiss; it was more like a soft, gentle press, young and inexperienced. Rukia smiled after it, and Ichigo felt a surge of cheer from seeing her smile. Like little wind-up toys, they bumped into each other a couple more times, trying to figure out how on earth the people in movies do it. Even if they were not "proper" kisses, they still felt joy and an excited stirring in their hearts with each contact and each mistake.

After that, they returned to just looking into each other's eyes, and holding each other, and breathing together. They talked quietly about trivial things and discussed how different their love was compared to the ones they had read, seen, or heard about. They concluded that their level of trust was so high compared to those, the "love" simply grew from there, supported by caring and anxiety over the years. He asked her if the thick strand of black hair hanging between her eyes ever became a bother; she asked him why his hair was orange when he was japanese. Their answers were "not really, I like it" and "dunno, messed up genes I guess", respectively. They shrugged and laughed and teased, and then did that nose-forehead-pressing thing again that Rukia said she liked so much. They closed their eyes this time and listened to each other breath, in and out, in and out, backed by the soft patters of the rain.

Rukia began to shiver mysteriously, and Ichigo worriedly asked her what was wrong.

"Oh - I don't know," she whispered. "It's kind of... overwhelming. It's sinking in just now... the... umm..." She kept on trembling.

"I know," he told her. "It's pretty overwhelming. I don't think it's fully sunk in for me, yet. I feel really awed and lost right now. I feel like everything is new."

She suddenly put her fingers to her lips. "We..."

He flushed and averted his eyes, laughing nervously. "Yeah, we did... It's so weird. Us kissing."

"Will we ever get used to this?"

"Dunno. Probably." He scratched his head. "I'd hope so. Oh..."

"What?"

"How should we act from now on?..."

Rukia thought for a short bit. "I think normally," she said.

He frowned. "Normally?"

"Mmhmm. Just... normally." She sounded very confident. "We aren't used to being "loving" or anything anyway. So we can just act normal. Just act like we're acting now."

"Okay, deal," he said with a grin. "...But can we have our "loving" moments, too? In private?" he added timidly.

"Only if you behave, and do whatever I say," she said lightly, grinning.

He growled at her, scowling. "How cruel. Can't believe I'm stuck with you now."

"I never imagined you would want those "loving" moments so much," she remarked. "I thought we were both shy about this." She folded her arms and looked at him smugly.

He groaned and rubbed his forehead. "Okay, okay, you win. Again. And I _am_ shy about this, believe it or not."

There was pause where Rukia watched him steadily, then closed her eyes with a sigh. He regarded her black lashes and the lovely way they curved, deciding again, like he often did, that she was very beautiful.

"We will guide each other through this," she murmured vaguely, a faint smile on her pretty face, framed by black locks. "I am looking forward to our days together," she continued, voice clearer.

"Never expected to hear that from you," said Ichigo, genuinely surprised.

A scowl. "Is it something I shouldn't say?"

"No," he told her. "It's great." His heart felt warm and fuzzy - and then he almost laughed at himself for how cheesy that sounded. "I'm looking forward to them, too."

"Hm." She made a satisfied sound. "So what do we do now? Sleep?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, "tomorrow's a long day. We should sleep. We're going to visit Inoue and Ishida, remember?"

"Oh, yes... And their five-year-old," she replied, smiling. "Is Sado in Mexico now?"

"Yeah."

A comfortable silence followed. A blue-white glow brightened up the room as the moon came out from behind the clouds.

Suddenly Rukia leapt down from the closet, trotting over to the window.

"Oi, what's up?" Ichigo called after her, and stepped down from the cramped closet as well.

"Look," she whispered, a dazzled, joyful smile on her face.

Ichigo came up beside her and stared out the window.

"The rain's gone," he observed, surprised. He glanced down as he felt small fingers tangle through his own. Rukia, her smiling face highlighted by the soft light of the moon, slowly inched closer to shyly press up against his side. _Like a friendly cat,_ he thought fondly.

"Ichigo... Thanks to you, I think the rain has finally stopped."

He grinned. "It was only fair, Rukia."

* * *

_memories in the rain_


End file.
